I haven’t been in the head space to write a blog till this week. Creative people are always working in their minds but we need structure, we need to be intentional about planning to “do things”. I loved the planning part, which kinda makes me an odd ball, but I do. I miss the time Terry and I would sit together and plan the next week, the next month, the next event. He was so good at it. We would sit down at a restaurant for b’fast, or over my kitchen table or his, and spend the time. Grief is a process, and when you’re in the business I’m in where time doesn’t stand still, tasks and events are happening with or without you, it is both a blessing, and at times, could be an obstacle.
The blessing is you move forward. You get to share with people “in the moment” while you’re working, and while you’re literally “working” through your feelings simultaneously. The obstacle, if you let it, can be moving forward and keeping everything inside, bottled up, and that can lead to a dark, sometimes explosive place.
Everywhere I had scheduled to be since Terry passed away, I’ve had the opportunity to share the story of my friend with new people. Recently, I was in Louisville KY, and while doing an acoustic show in front of a great group, I told them about “my Terry” and asked them, “Do you have a Terry in your life?, and I’m betting that you do, or maybe you are the Terry in someone’s life”. This sparked many conversations after the show was over. Folks were sharing stories about people in their lives they were close to, and some they lost. The thing is, we’re all going to die. It’s not like it’s a secret. It’s a circle, it’s a process, and we don’t know when it’s our time to leave. When it happens, there are two groups. The ones left behind, and ones that moved forward.
Terry and I enjoyed many conversations over 15 plus years. This week I was in a therapy session. Yes, a therapy session. I would recommend for anyone. We talk about dealing with the spiritual part of life….You know, we spend time exercising our bodies, dieting, ( well, some of us..lol) and many other health habits to live a better life, but we often fail to work on our spirit, our hearts, and minds. That verse in the Bible, that says “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”……that happens more times than we’d like to admit. While I was expressing my thoughts, I remembered something Terry and I had talked about. It’s a question I heard while listening to a podcast on leadership. It’s a question we should all ask ourselves.
Terry was a planner by nature. He believed in the statement, “If you fail to plan, you can plan to fail”. However, our planning sessions weren’t just for work or some future event. They were therapy sessions too. Neither of us were or would ever be “perfect people”. We would often talk about areas of our life that we wanted to improve on, and asked ourselves, “What can we do, to be better?”. One of the strongest questions I now keep in the forefront of my mind before I have a conversation, an interaction, or collaboration with anyone is, “What is it like, being on the other side of me?”
I wonder how much better the world would be if we all asked ourselves this question? Before you type that ugly text, or before you react to someone else’s misguided anger, or before we post that comment that is over the line of opinion and into the line of disrespect or hate. If we asked ourselves, “What is it like being on the other side of me? Is it pleasant, is it respectful, is it courageous, loving, kind, bold, positive, negative, thoughtful, strong, loyal, loving or hateful……What is it ?
I’ll tell you what looking in the mirror and asking this question is…..…..sobering.
It’s not easy being on the “other side of us” sometimes, is it? That’s why we all need a lot grace to get through this life. We can, however, live a better life when we’re bold enough to ask the hard questions. We can live with fewer regrets and more smiles, more happy memories to pass on, while we wait till it’s our turn to pass through…..”What is it it like, being on the other side of you?”
Love you, love you Big!