We all have them….some people have had more to deal with than others, but we all have those events that shape our life, or at least shape our feelings about life.
I’ve known people who faced life threatening disease and sickness, drug addiction, abuse, loss of career jobs, devastating loss of property, bankruptcy, and a host of other things….but then, there is the big one…and that's not to say that all these other events aren’t extremely hard or heartbreaking, but when it comes to any of them causing loss of life, well, that’s the one that really kicks us in the gut, and it leaves an imprint that never goes away.
The first time I experienced this kind of heartbreak close to home, was probably just like you….an older family member. Then, I remember being in basic training at Ft. Sill, OK finally getting a chance to use the pay phone to make a call home and the only person I could get on the line was my cousin, Amelia. She told me two of my high school friends had passed away over the weekend in a car wreck. I was frozen. When I got home for Christmas I remember going to their parents house with a group of my friends to sing Christmas carols to them. Since then, I’ve lost other friends too young, or someone’s brother, sister, niece, Aunts, Uncles, or someone’s parents to soon as well.
Losing anyone you love is hard…really hard. However, I think all of us would agree that losing a child, is the worst. Maybe it’s because we feel it defies the natural course of things, but I think we probably also feel, somehow, whether fair or not, “responsible”……as if we could have stopped it because “we” are the guardians, parents, adults in the room. The thing is, whether we like it or not, we are not in control.
I was in the midst of filming the tv show and recording a few songs in Muscle Shoals on November 9, 2010. After the session ended that afternoon, I drove down to my hometown of Greenville, AL to spend the night. I’ve been living between south Georgia and Nashville for a few years now…..I’m a dual citizen:) So, making my way from one home to another is a way of life for me….
I remember unpacking and taking the take out from Kentucky Fried Chicken in the old house I crashed at, and settling in to wind down from the day. Not too long after that, I got the call. It was about 9pm Central Time. I couldn't understand a word Sandi was saying to me and had to asked her to calm down. The words, “Holt has been in a bad car accident” were the first words I understood, followed by,” it’s not good”. He had been life-flighted to Shands Hospital in Jacksonville, FL.
Even now typing these words is hard. Holt Rowland was one of our nephews and one of two boys that my brother and sister-in-law, Dave and Kim Rowland were blessed to bring into this world. He was everything you’d want to have in a son, grandson, friend, nephew, teammate, and classmate. He was also a pretty big kid. He stood 6’4 and weighed about 210. Holt was a very good baseball player. As a matter of fact he was taking home two other kids from hitting practice that night, and had dropped off one before the accident. Holt and his friend Layne, lost their lives together.
I remember driving through the night to get to the hospital and the days that followed were nothing short of life changing for our family. Holt was an amazing young man. He was the kind of kid that had a big heart, and was well liked. He was competitive too….I loved watching him play baseball. As much as we love football and sports in general, baseball was king in both our families. Holt’s grandfather, and my wife’s dad played pro baseball for the Milwaukie Braves back in the day, and he was blessed with great athletic ability, so it kinda runs in the family.
As you are reading this story, I imagine you’re thinking of your own life…..or more importantly, you’re thinking of the life changing events you’ve endured.
What do you do after it happens? I wish I had all the answers for that…..I don’t. I can only say that when life changing events happen it’s either going to cause you to eventually move forward in a positive way with scars, or a negative way with scars.
I have spoken about Holt Rowland more than one time when asked to come speak at an event. I remember hosting and performing for a big show in Mobile, AL and being asked to come by and say a few words at the breakfast for the sponsors of the event, and of course, I played a song too:) I incorporated Holts story in my speech, and the message of his short, yet powerful life.
In the aftermath of losing a child in our family we established the Holt Rowland Foundation. Holt had the opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic for missionary work thru his love of baseball. He was deeply moved and made a real connection with the people there. Through the help of family, friends, and many donors the Holt Rowland Foundation has done some good work and recently established “Holt’s House of Hope”…..Feel free to visit ( www.theholtrowlandfoundation.com ) to learn more.
At the start of every year, I try to recommit to certain things….one of those ideals is to try and live every day like it’s your last. It’s not easy….there are good days and bad days but as a buddy of mine says, “you can chose to live the bad days as good as possible”……I like that!
So, those life changing events effect us, don't they? . They effect us every day and could be the reason you are not living “today” as well as you can, or as my buddy says, “good as possible”.
If you need help, find it….if you need to talk….find someone who will listen. Whatever you need to do, please do it. Do it for the ones that love you but more than anything do it for you! Because “YOU” make a difference to everyone around you!
Love you, Love you Big!